I'd say I care too deeply, far too much, actually, but I doubt that would mean anything to you. You place me up against par, comparing, watching, silently biding time seeing how I fall short. Always. Well, you should still know, the last time was a mistake, and that I care, I care, I care, and I'm here, always. We're fucking immaculate.
'You promise a great show, a great one, and I'm falling
'You could be moonshine, you smell just like strawberry fields, and you are scrumptious, so I can just cut you up, cut you to the bone, see it all dissolve around you
'Your arms are always wide open, and you're warm, so vulnerable, and so foolish
'You promise a great show, and you can be elevated, put up on that pedestal as a great replacement
--
She says,
'You draw comparisons and ask me to choose, to choose, and I cannot think, because you will not speak enough, just enough to cloud my judgment, never enough
'I never wished to speak, never to promise, for fear I would speak too much, and you will not stand it, but you violate our code, and jump the borders -
'The moon sinks so low, oh-so-low it breaks my heart, because it's so surreptitious and you do nothing to stop it
'His whisper taints my judgment, and you can no longer twist it, in your ungodly manner, not that you have reserved even that for me
'They always undermine heartfelt confessions, and you're no different
'You let me fall and slide into disintegration, and I can see it all dissolve around me, while she falls around you
I WANNA STAND UP, I WANNA LET GO
Youknowyouknow noyoudon'tyoudon't
I'll sing it out this time, yes? Lug it about, almost like the heart I wear on my sleeve..?
...and my affection, well it comes and goes
I need direction to perfection, no no no no
Help me out
Yeah, you know you got to help me out
Yeah, oh don't you put me on the back burner
I'll sing it. Out LOUD ^_^
I would laugh, because one could pass it off as irony, but you're blind. You wouldn't get it. Don't list them then; it makes your argument quite tedious. It gets weaker, and you wouldn't hold mine anymore. Which won't really take to your liking.
You're the only one who can, by the way.
..:D the IRONY. It's fucking obtuse, look at it haha
that saccharine staccato serenade won't have me surrender squat.. ^_^
I broke the seal. Again.XD Twice in a row, and counting
Things, they always are just the same. I'm done with Math, for one. For good, I believe. Nope, not too joyous. The O's they're goingon-goingwrong-goingby time allocation, not my fine spot.
Must think only of the Clash now.
…like the notes reverberating off my eardrums, the cacophony filling my head, holding-on, not-letting-go, snatching-away while it's all just insomnia, it's all just fine, all just a haze of a few hours, just like them chords pieced together so tediously, tantalising lullabies, wait they'll transform, teasing you into the arms of slumber
And you're up, look what you've done.
And when you come, and you will, it'll just be with the impassiveness of a stranger.
Yeah, you're (no) different.
Every time I try to write "was" while I'm texting, my dictionary always makes it "yas". How pathetic is that?
One day, my cell phone dictionary had one of its abnormal tantrums, and it wiped all those words I had painstakingly entered into the dictionary, which mind you, included quite a few commonly used obscenities and well-placed, yet random, words here and there. I had also just put in my Sociology teacher's name in it. Her good name is Yasmeen. But it wasn't in the dictionary any more, and I had to use it (not in an excessively polite context, I assure you) while I was texting my friend the day before my Sociology O Level exam.
Thus the first word I added into my oh-so-recently wiped out cell phone dictionary was YASmeen.
Maybe God wanted to teach me a lesson for referring to her person in an impolite way.
And so every time I write "was" while I'm texting, my dictionary always makes it "yas".
*resurfaces from a bout of emoness*
Hello, Wolrd.
As my friend never fails to mention to me almost every morning at 7:30:
In February. Not cool. And yet.
So I'm PROSECUTOR in our Christmas play, in addition to being CANDY. I think I have five lines. That should be fun. Finally, my chance to bedazzle all with my spectacular acting skills.
I should be studying. It's freaking2:45 am, and I have an Eco test.
…if I had a cat, like I told everyone (who matters), I would name it Juxtapose.
And sometimes, when I dream, it's of him, and this time, he sees me. He can see me, and him, and what happened. And he sees right through me. Knows who I really am.
He can speak and he does not accuse me. But he knows. And I realise then that he would've been much more. And my helplessness, which I used as a pathetic excuse, it doesn't exist - it's me. I've done this. I didn't look well enough. I knew, and I chose blissful oblivion.
And my dreams, they're always nightmares.
Hello, World.
But you're not there, and it's not me this time. Do I want it all back?
So I'm blogging again. Not that it makes A Difference. And still. So should I possibly procure an explanation? I would like to say that I had Writer's Block, which is what I told everyone, but I'd be lying. I was um…jaded? I couldn't write anything sensible during this time period anyway.
So that day, I finished reading The History of Love by Nicole Krauss. It's one of the really good books I've read in a long time. Possibly one of my favourites. And Nicole Krauss is really pretty. I would want to write a book like that, some day. I would also like to live in Germany, and speak German. And yet (!).
I lost my glasses again. It kind of sucks. I liked wearing them. It irritates me when I can't see properly. They were my second pair of grey frames. My mother isn't exactly thrilled, and I've lost my prescription.
And today was, not to go totally off a tangent here, but extremely embarrassing. We had a musical concert at our school. This group who call themselves Heartbeat came and um sang. And they brought a DJ along with them. And the student body of our all-girls convent school were ready to profess their undying love for them. It was BAD. They followed him around. They hooted. They asked for his autograph. They screamed. It was really bad. I dread the hour long lectures we're going to have to listen to tomorrow. Needless to say, if they heard me singing I fell In Love With The DJ, I highly doubt they will catch the sarcasm in it. I'll be screwed. And I hate that song.
I got a 6.5 in my 7mark question in History today. That was good.
Until next time -
